Last Updated:
October 4th, 2024
Codependency and Addiction
What is codependency?
Codependency is when someone becomes overly reliant on another for emotional support, approval or their sense of identity. In these relationships, one person tends to sacrifice their own needs to focus on someone else’s well-being, often creating an unhealthy, one-sided dynamic.
Codependent people often struggle to set boundaries, feel responsible for other’s happiness and may lose sight of their own worth, leading to an imbalance that affects both sides emotionally.
Is codependency limited to one type of relationship?
Codependency isn’t limited to one type of relationship, and it can form wherever there is an unhealthy reliance on others to provide self-worth, control or fulfilment.
Here are a few examples of how codependency can develop in different relationships:
Family relationships
Codependency is often seen in family dynamics, particularly when one person becomes overly responsible for another’s well-being, such as between a parent and child or between siblings. For instance, a sibling may feel obligated to care for a family member with a substance use disorder, neglecting their own needs to focus solely on helping the other.
Friendships
Codependency can occur between friends when one person constantly prioritises the other’s needs or emotions at the expense of their own. For example, a friend might always take on a supportive role, even if it means disregarding their personal boundaries or feelings.
Romantic relationships
In romantic relationships, codependency often involves one partner becoming overly dependent on the other for emotional support, validation or a sense of identity. This can lead to an imbalanced relationship where one person consistently sacrifices their own needs for the sake of the other.
Work relationships
Codependency can manifest in professional settings when an employee feels responsible for managing their boss’s or coworkers’ emotions or workloads. For instance, an employee might constantly take on extra tasks, believing that the workplace will fall apart without their efforts.
Signs and examples of codependency
It’s crucial to be able to identify the signs of codependency, whether in yourself or others, as recognising these patterns can help prevent them from taking root or guide you toward seeking treatment.
Codependency can often be a difficult concept to grasp but understanding it is the first step toward healthier relationships. To make this complex topic clearer, we’ve provided example situations to help you recognise the signs of codependency in a more relatable way.
| Codependent behaviour | Description | Example |
| An excessive need for approval | Codependent individuals often base their self-worth on how others perceive them. They need constant validation to feel good about themselves. | A person constantly seeks reassurance from their partner about whether they’re doing things right, like asking if their cooking is good, even when they know they’ve made the dish perfectly. |
| Difficulty setting boundaries | Codependent people struggle to say ‘no,’ even when doing so harms their own well-being. They feel responsible for the emotions and actions of others. | Someone agrees to take on extra work from a colleague, even though they are already overwhelmed because they fear the other person will be upset with them. |
| Low self-esteem | They tend to have a poor sense of self-worth and rely on others to fill the void, often seeing themselves as not good enough unless they’re helping someone else. | A person spends all their free time solving their partner’s problems, believing that if they don’t, their partner will no longer love them. |
| People-pleasing behaviour | Codependent individuals go out of their way to make others happy, even if it means neglecting their own needs. | Someone cancels their long-awaited plans with friends to attend to a family member’s minor issue, feeling guilty for even considering doing something for themselves. |
| Poor communication skills | They have trouble expressing their own feelings, needs or desires, often fearing that being honest will cause conflict. | A person wants to express dissatisfaction with how their friend treats them but instead remains silent, worrying that saying anything might lead to an argument. |
| Caretaking to an extreme | They take on a caretaker role, believing they are responsible for fixing other people’s problems, often to their own detriment. | Someone insists on managing every aspect of their sibling’s life, from finances to personal relationships, feeling that their sibling can’t function without their help. |
| Denial of one’s own needs | Codependents tend to suppress their own needs and desires, viewing them as less important than those of others. | A person refuses to take a break during a busy day, even though they’re exhausted, because they believe their partner needs them more. |
| Fear of abandonment | They are often terrified of being abandoned or rejected, leading them to stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships. | A person stays in a relationship with a partner who mistreats them, because they fear being alone more than they fear the mistreatment. |
How are codependency and addiction related?
Codependency and addiction are closely related, often feeding into one another. For example, someone struggling with codependency may use drugs or alcohol to cope with the stress of caring for someone else to the point of neglecting their own needs. This self-medication can lead to addiction as they try to numb their emotional pain.
On the other hand, those dealing with addiction might become codependent on their loved ones, relying on them to enable or support their behaviour. In such cases, family members may feel obligated to help, even if it harms both parties, creating an unhealthy cycle.
Addressing both codependency and addiction is crucial for recovery. By treating both conditions together, individuals can break these damaging patterns and learn healthier ways to manage their emotions and relationships. This approach offers a better chance for long-term recovery and emotional well-being.
How are codependency and addiction treated?
At Primrose Lodge, we understand that treating a dual diagnosis of codependency and addiction requires a compassionate and comprehensive approach. These two conditions are often deeply intertwined, and addressing them together is essential for lasting recovery.
For many individuals, codependency can complicate the rehabilitation process. You may feel the need to return to caregiving roles or rely heavily on another person to stay committed to treatment. That’s why we focus on stabilising codependency first, providing a strong foundation before progressing into addiction counselling.
Our treatment programmes are designed to address both conditions effectively:
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviours. For those experiencing codependency, it also addresses people-pleasing tendencies, encouraging healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self-reliance.
- Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT): DBT teaches essential skills such as mindfulness, distress tolerance and emotion regulation. These tools are particularly helpful in managing stress and emotions without seeking external validation or resorting to substance use.
- Family therapy: Family therapy plays a vital role in recovery, allowing individuals and their families to improve communication, set healthy boundaries and address any dysfunctional dynamics that may contribute to codependency. This support system helps families become a part of their loved one’s recovery journey.
What’s next?
If you’re struggling with both codependency and addiction, Primrose Lodge is here to help. Our comprehensive rehab programme is designed to address both issues, offering the support and treatment you need to regain control of your life. Reach out today and take the first step toward lasting recovery and healthier relationships.
